Stuck in a Rut
For the past few weeks I have been in a rut. A “just get through the day” kind of rut. Waking up ready for bed. Extra whiny and worn. Throwing a beautiful pity party in my head complete with a “Momma Needs to Rest Too” banner hanging up for all to see. And here’s the deal, I’m getting on my own nerves.
What I’ve found here in the midst of my selfishness is that the Lord has been faithful to teach me and give me grace. Despite my impatience, he has been patient. Despite my horrible attitude, he has taught me the beauty of perspective. He has shown me that what I consider my most frustrating day as a mom is actually filled with many blessings. My endless to do list means I have the blessing of a home and a family to care for. My lack of sleep means I get to snuggle and comfort my teething 9-month-old back to sleep. My time spent serving as wife and mommy means I am fulfilling my calling.
Sometimes I lose perspective in the monotony of routine. Sometimes my service to my family is done in vain due to my lack of love. Sometimes I give in to the temptation of selfishness, and a “woe is me” attitude sneaks in. Sometimes I just want to throw in the towel, take a bath, and read a book. And while some of those desires aren’t sinful, it is sinful to idolize them. We have to be on guard! Negativity is a slippery slope, and you don’t even realize when you’re sliding down and picking up speed.
In my rut, I have sought the Lord continually, recognizing that feelings aren’t the same as truth. Recognizing that “our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (Ephesians 6:12). My battle against the temptation of selfishness and listlessness requires me to put on the full armor of God each day through wholeheartedly seeking the Lord through His Word and prayer. To fight against negativity, I can refresh my spirit by saturating my mind with the truth of the gospel, preaching it to myself daily. “Fixing my eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith” (Hebrews 12:2). I can confess my sin, throw down my crown, and humble myself before the only one who is deserving of glory. Because it’s not about me. It’s all about him.
The beauty in sanctification is grace. Grace that reveals a love that surpasses knowledge. Through the finished work of Jesus on the cross and his resurrection, I can kneel before a holy God, my Father, and continue being made new. I can surrender my desire to accomplish the duties set before me in my own strength. And I can lean on my Father to sustain me, give me endurance, guide me in love, and steady my heart to His. When I focus my eyes on him, I lose sight of my failures, negativity, and doubts. The love of God far outweighs our worst day, greatest sin, and biggest failure. The joy of following Jesus far outweighs my idea of my “best” day. Praise God, my Rock and my Redeemer, even when I’m in a rut.